Have you ever had one of those days (weeks, years) where things are not going well and then you read something that seems as if it was meant for you at that exact moment?
Well, I had one of those moments this past weekend. A bit of background - my brother passed away over a year ago and for the first time in 19 years, my dad and I were not invited to my niece's birthday party. (Did I mention they live on the same block, just .2 miles away?) I am sure my brother is turning over in his grave. Things change when someone dies and I am just tired of it all.Then I opened up the July issue of O Magazine and read two articles that were written just for me. The first was by Martha Beck. She wrote about "loving without caring" and how "sanity begins the moment you admit you're powerless over other people."
I am a very caring person; too caring and it has to stop. If you open up my veins, caring and thoughtfulness would ooze out.
I am that person who if I hear you mention a food or product or whatever that you may like, I will be somewhere and spot it and then give it to you. If I read an article I think you might find interesting, I will clip it out and give it to you.
But it is time to focus on ME which brings me to the second article, "The Helping Tic" written by Diana Spechler. "One woman goes on a 30-day mission to cure an awkward affliction: the unbridled impulse to offer unsolicited aid."
Ms. Spechler talks about "CHT - the chronic helping tic." This tic fits me to a tee!
I dole out unsolicited advice. I help my sister-in-law since she is clueless (she really is). If you are looking for a job, heck, I'll network for you.
But I can no longer do this because it is not appreciated and I just get hurt in the end (and not invited to a birthday party).In order to cure this tic, I need to "not help less but become more mindfully helpful" and when I get the urge to help, I need to ask myself the following question, "If I never receive credit or thanks for this favor, do I still want to grant it?"
So for 30 days, I am going to not help at all.
Now, if I see an old lady fall in the middle of the street, I will of course assist her. But if you are having problems with your man, I will tell you how great you are and that you will be okay. I will not however, set you up on a date.
I will share with you how well I do for the next 30 days, because I know I am going to do well.
Are you ready to take the challenge with me?images