February 14, 2011

SPANX Makes Me Feel Like a Stuffed Sausage

SPANX SPANX SPANX.

That is all I've heard about for a few years now. So, I decided to find out what all of the talk was about.

Armed with my coupons, I went shopping at my favorite store - Lord and Taylor.

I was determined to buy me some SPANX and feel what all the chatter was about.

I tried on a bodysuit similar to this one with images of future sleekness dancing around in my head.Well, I huffed and I puffed.

I twisted and I turned.

I yanked and I pulled.

I bent over. I bent backwards. I bent sideways.

I felt like I was in a Bikram Hot Yoga class.

When the SPANX was finally on, I looked in the mirror and this is what I saw looking back at me.A sweaty, stuffed, hot Italian sausage.

I thought to myself, imagine this Single Nester is with a hot guy and well, ya know . . . one thing leads to another and I find myself in the bathroom yanking this thing off. I am certain said hot guy would have to call 9-1-1 because of the sounds coming out of the bathroom.

I practically dislocated my shoulder!

What I have gained from this SPANX shopping experience is that I needed a shower, a chiropractic appointment and a massage.

Alas . . . dear SPANX, you are not for me.

So, I am going to just roll with it and let all the rolls hang out and be free.

Be free rolls, I say.

Be free.


bodysuit image
sausage image

32 comments:

michelle said...

Yeah there is no way that I could do that! How do you breath? And then to have to try and go to the bathroom??? I say just let it be free as well! :)

Have a great day!

HollyC said...

You had me laughing out loud!! I've never tried the body suit, but the boy shorts fit great! However, I would rather just be free!! Thanks for sharing.
~Holly

Lisalulu said...

ok that IS funny!!! and I can just imagine my muffin top if I just put on the spanks panties!!

Rambling Girl said...

LOL...I loved this post! I totally agree and would die if I had to wear one...I am married but I would be so give out if I had to manage to get this off for some romance with my honey.

Your such a hoot and I so love reading your blog.

Beth

Michelle said...

Oh this made me LOL...I felt the same way and it has never been out of the drawer after the initial try on....anyone who claims they love San is either buts or lying!

Love of the Sea said...

Spanx makes me feel like a fat sausage too. And the tops flatten my boobs. I'll take slight muffin top over the Spanx.

Ellen said...

Of course they never show a "real" woman modeling SPANX - just the size 4 model who thinks she's fat. Frankly, if I was into S & M, it wouldn't include SPANX!

Lyndsey said...

HAHAHA You crack me up! You're so right though. I look better in Spanx, but man it's uncomfortable. And going to the bathroom?? Impossible!

Country Livin' said...

Like I said in the email.......by far the FUNNIEST post I have ever read. Reading it again, Iaughed even harder.
thanks again for the good laugh:)
Trish xo

terrid614 said...

ohhh how funny. i like to refer to them as my 'jelly rolls'...with BUTTER!! xo

Anel said...

lol, I have tried them and had the same experience. its funny how they use skinny people on the commercials to make that stuff look like it works.

Melanna said...

Haha! I have never tried Spanx, but I think I would have the same experience. Clothing shouldn't be work to put on. If I wanted to work out, I wouldn't have a need for the spanx in the first place! Thanks for the giggle.

Paige @ The Wandering Cottage said...

You are cracking me up. I use the Assets (cheaper Target version) of the shorts. It is quite the workout, but they are great under pencil skirts!

Anel said...

I just wanted to thank you for visiting my blog and taking the time to leave a comment

Donnie said...

I tried them too but were very uncomfortable. Probably should have gotten a bigger size but vanity wouldn't let me. Now I have something else sitting in my drawer I never use.

Days at Buttermilk Cottage said...

Been there, done that! But you made it sound SO much more amusing! I've just come to the point of acceptance that a few "curves" represent a life well lived!
Best,
Susan

Karen said...

What a hoot! I would feel the same way. I went through contortions trying on long line bras.

TexaGermaNadian said...

Haha, this post is great. You are too funny. I am glad I came across your blog, now on to have an even better look around :)
http://texagermanadian.blogspot.com/

Christina said...

Thanks for much-needed laugh :) I have shared the SAME experience...it really makes me laugh to see the picture in this post of the model...like SHE needs Spankx...HA! She's the only one that wouldn't look like a sausage in these!

Even though this isn't a thrifty idea under $20...I'm really glad you linked to "20 Below Thursday"...again...thanks for the laugh :)

alison @ stuff and nonsense said...

i swear by my spanx pantyhose...would never leave home (in a skirt) without 'em!

sorry about the bodysuit sweatxperience...thanks for posting to 'fridays unfolded'

blessings,

alison
stuff and nonsense

Rebecca said...

I'm a new follower from Follow Me Friday!

Please stop by my blog, Becca's Perspective, when you get a chance.

Thanks,
Becca
beccasperspective.blogspot.com

The Answer Is Chocolate said...

Sausage is exactly what I feel like in those. Need them...especially because I keep eating chocolate but...

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

This was so well-written, I could just see you in the bathroom, grunting and groaning, panting and sweating!
Found you on Over Forty Follows.
Nice blog. I'll be back.
Rosemary

I can carry all the shopping bags and the babies too. said...

Newest Follower!!

Follow back at

http://twoprincessesandoneprince.blogspot.com

Dear Lillie said...

Haha - this post is too funny!

Britt @ The Adventures of Josh and Britt said...

Ok, this is seriously hilarious! Love it!

April said...

lmao! That is hilarious! After I had my youngest, my mucsles in my stomach were so weak I had to wear something similar with boning to help support me and I had many similar expiriences! Thanks for linking this up! You totally crackedme up!

Carol said...

That was a cute and funny story. I feel a bit like you but alas, I wear them, I can't stand lines.

I'm now following along with you.

Carol-the gardener

Katie said...

Spanx tend to "stuff" me in all the wrong places almost making me feel fatter than I did before, LOL. I just need to go on a diet ;-)

Kassi @ Truly Lovely said...

Hilarious story!!! :) Thanks so much for sharing on Fancy This Fridays! Definitely got a good chuckle from me! Can't wait to see what you link up this week!

Jen said...

Too funny! Thank you for sharing at Fantastic Friday. I hope that you will join us again this week.

Catherine said...

First of all, you get to shop at L&T- my all time favorite store. I lived in NYC for 5 years and nothing made me happier than walking around that store. Now I'm on the west coast and they don't have them out here. Boo!

As for spanx I'm with you. Yes, they squeeze and smooth fat but it doesn't disappear! It just comes out the bottom so I get these weird bulges midway between hip and knee. No thank you!

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