May 12, 2010

What was then is no longer

Isn't it amazing how one single, solitary moment can shape how you live the rest of your life?

As you know, my brother unexpectedly and suddenly passed away over 2 weeks ago. It has been a hard time and I have been trying to stay strong for my dad and for my two nieces. Quite frankly I am sick of staying strong for others. In doing so, I have not been able to grieve for the brother that I lost and some have forgotten that I lost someone too.

Some A$$holes have even told me how I should be grieving. And, this really pisses me off! How can someone tell another how they should grieve?

There are only two people that have the same DNA as my parents; my brother and me. Now, there is just one - me.

Me. That is the person I need to focus on moving forward.

How can you give to others when you have left nothing for yourself?

My heart has been filled with the thoughts and prayers of many. The blogging community has reached out to me and supported me in ways I never thought possible. I appreciate every one of your emails and comments.

I am sure I will be leaning on all of you in the future and please forgive me if my next few blog posts aren't the cheeriest.
" 'Tis very certain the desire of life prolongs it." - Lord Byron


Bored@Work said...

I am so sorry for your loss. More than I can ever possibly convey with words on a blog.
No one can tell you how to grieve- those that try are a-holes. Everyone grieves in completely different ways. Just because you may put on a strong front for those around you doesn't mean that you aren't completely devastated.
I hope that you do take some time to make sure that you are OK- you are right, you absolutely need to focus on you and make sure that you are handling things alright. Otherwise how can you be strong for your beautiful nieces?
Cry when you need it. Know that there are lots of us out here that are thinking about you.

Fearless Nester said...

So sorry to learn of this tragedy. I'm a fairly new follower and my heart goes out to you as you adjust to your new life without your dear brother. ~Lili

Pine Tree Home said...

Grief. Each person deals with it differently. Don't think you have to follow what others tell you. Just take each day as it comes and you'll do what's best for you. You know yourself better than anyone.


Lisalulu said...

grief is a strange bedfellow. and because we are all unique we all do it differently and NOONE has a right to TELL you how to do it! So sorry for your loss. (11 years ago my sister died. My daughter is JUST NOW coming to terms with that) she surprised me by writing this on her blog--

Mary Ellen said...

Oh Carmie.... I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Take time for yourself, all of your friends and followers will be right here waiting for you when ever you need us!
Affectionately, ME

Bec said...

I hear ya on other people telling you how to grieve or not even realizing you need to grieve. We had 3 deaths last fall that shook our family hard and I was so disappointed in how some of my in-laws chose to express concern. Not once did I hear an I'm sorry for your loss or how are you doing. Just insensitive comments. Stay strong and take as long as you need to. I still have days where all my losses just hit me and it is overwhelming. You're in my prayers ;)

Angie said...

Girlie, lean on. We are here for you! And don't worry about not being cheerie, you have a reason. Sending a big hug.

Leslie said...

Carmie.. I know how you feel. I am 38 and I am all that is left of my immediate family. I lost my family very fast and unexpectedly and although I miss them very much.. I miss the connection that I had with having a family. ( hope that makes sense)

Take one day at a time.
I hope that you feel better.
Take care!

Dawn said...

I'm really glad you have us to talk to, to say the things you might not say out loud... to get it off your chest, and get to move to the next stage of grief, whatever that stage is for YOU. We are here, and willing to do anything that might offer you some shred of comfort. Talk on, darlin.

Kathy @ Creative Home Expressions said...

I think it is great that you were there for your family, Carmie, but I think you need to take some time and grieve on your own. Sometimes people say the stupidest things because they don't know what to say {of course, I think they should just say nothing). Take your time and know that you will have people here waiting and "listening" to what you have to say.

Heather said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You need to find a way to fill yourself back up again. I lost my best friend 2 years ago and hubby couldn't understand why I was still grieving a week later. oh my gosh, I am still grieving now. I'll miss her for the rest of my life. I find that talking about her really helps. When i read a book I'll comment whether I think she would have a enjoyed it. Recently when a singer she adored announced his upcoming memoirs, I immediately set off on a remembering of her and all of his concerts that she went to. Prehaps by remembering your brother and telling others about things the two of you did together will fill you back up.

Take care.

The Girly Tomboy said...

Carmie, I'm so sorry for your loss. You're right, no one can tell you how to grieve. We're all different.

Just remember, you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. So please take care and be well.


Nancy Jacobs Basketmaster said...

I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother. You're in my prayers.

Struggler said...

Oh, I'm so sorry, these are dark days indeed.
I guess people are either thoughtless, or embarrassed around you, to make them come out with such spectacularly insensitive comments. Girly Tomboy is spot on, in that nobody knows exactly how you're feeling and certainly cannot pronounce on how you should be feeling.
Sending you virtual hugs and lots of kind thoughts...

Amy said...

Absolutely nobody can tell you how to grieve... or how to feel. It is so very different for every person. I hope that person is not someone you have to see a lot. And I hope you find ways to take care of yourself, too, in between supporting others. ::hugs::

Lisa B. said...

Everyone grieves in their own way. You take your time and take care of yourself. Hugs

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