May 18, 2010

The Grief Diet is not a Particularly Good Diet

I weighed myself two days after my brother died and I had lost 8 lbs. I have lost 2 more since that first weekend, three weeks ago.

Can I stand to lose weight? Abso-freakin-lutely! I need to lose more but, this isn't the way to lose it.

It is as if my stomach has shrunk. I have a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach that makes it hard to eat.

Last Monday, I didn't get to eat anything until 2:30pm. I made myself a ham and cheese sandwich. Nothing fancy. I could only eat 1/2 of it before realizing I could not get down any more. I had to wrap the other half in plastic wrap and eat if for dinner. When the heck has that ever happened for this food lover? Never.

The following day, I had a cup of tea and an English muffin. It was like sandpaper in my mouth and I threw the rest away.

I have to be kind to myself and realize that if I can only eat one meal a day, so be it. There are no rules here. I can only do my best. Whatever my best is on that particular day.

"Bread deals with living things, with giving life,
with growth, with the seed, the grain that nurtures.
It is not coincidence that we say bread is the staff of life."
- Lionel Poilane


Kathy said...

Hello Carmie,
I have my email address in my 'about me' dialogue. I am still tinkering with this thing. :D
I went through the same thing. You do have to remember to take care of yourself - even if you spread your meal in small increments throughout the day.
Do email me any time.
God Bless,

Lisalulu said...

I'm glad you are taking the time to just stop and think about things. Eating will always be there, and I love the idea of your tea with muffin. Lots of love to you and your thought process. How about books? its a good time to read too.

Kathy @ Creative Home Expressions said...

You're eating something and that's good, please make sure you continue to do so. Maybe small meals throughout the day right now. I read the post on your Dad, too, and I am heartbroken for him. I think it's good you are there for each other.

Holly said...

I cannot even imagine the grief. Please take care of yourself.

Lisa-Marie said...

Carmie, I'd first like to say that I am so very sorry for your loss. It is utterly unbearable at times isn't it.

With regards to food, I was much the same after my mum died, I think it's only natural. My nana used to sneak bowls of nuts and dried fruit around the place, because she knew i'd pick them up without thinking. You probably find you are thirsty alot, and if so, smoothies are a good way to get stuff in.

I am at the other end of an email if you need anyone to talk to. xx

Heidi said...

I am so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how you must feel right now. One thing I know, after experiencing the grief of losing my mother 3 years ago, is that every day will be different. Some days are better than others, on those days try to get some nourishment and rest. On the other days, well, just take them as they come.
I'm sending a hug for you and your dad, and your sad hearts.
Heidi - Heart and Home
how very ironic, the word verification is "caresse".

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I experienced a similar "grief diet" years ago when my husband of seven months died unexpectedly. I LOVE to eat, but I couldn't eat during that time. I would take two bites and that was all. As you know, there are no rules...but try to take care of yourself.....sometimes just focusing on one thing like eating and taking vitamins will be a good start.

Time doesn't erase the pain, but eventually you will be able to breathe again without the lump in your throat.

I wish God's blessing over your grieving family.

Jess @ Frugal with a Flourish said...

So sorry for your loss! I know that feeling - I am not a stress eater! Give yourself time. Eventually - your appetite will come back! Hugs.

Kimbo West @ a girl and a glue gun said...

I am so sorry about your brothers passing. I wish there was something more I can do....Please know that my prayers are with you and your family!

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