March 24, 2010

30 Pages

. . . 18 profiles per page and only one man I remotely want to contact.

This was me the other day while checking out some profiles on I have to admit, I am frustrated. This online dating thing has got me depressed.

Full disclosure here. I spend more time blogging, tweezing my eyebrows, cleaning my vacuum cleaner (insert anything here ___), than I do looking at these online profiles. Maybe I am not spending time looking through these profiles because the quality of men I come across is lacking.

I get all icky when I read some of these profiles.

Profiles that:

a) Have photos spotlighting your various body parts. You don't see me pulling out my cell phone to take pictures of my double D's in my bathroom mirror.

b) Have photos of you with various women and their double D's. Ugh.

c) Have major grammatical errors. Dude, there is a difference between to, too and two.

d) Have photos of you where you can barely be seen because the photo was taken from so far away. You in a Brazilian rain forest does me no good if all I can see are the trees.

e) Have photos of you in a group and not letting me know which guy is you. How many times I thought you were the cute guy to your left.

f) Have men in their 40s, 50s, 60s looking for a woman in the age range of 18-35. Please. You are still going to need Viagra.

g) Have men looking for a woman who "can wear a baseball cap by day and an evening gown at night." Are you kidding me? How does yoga pants and tank top sound because that is what I am sporting right now.

h) Have men looking for a woman who likes "candlelit dinners and long walks on the beach." Ooh, I am so turned on. So. Cliche!

Can you please tell me something about yourself? Can you please be creative and funny and smart? Can you please be original, intelligent and truthful about your age and height?

Can you please be something other than what I am currently seeing? Please?

Maybe I am just too picky. Well, I know I kind of am but it doesn't hurt to dream and want a little of this . . .

I have a very big imagination!


Patience said...

Some of the pics that men post and some of the profiles seriously make me laugh. A co-worker is on and we frequently laugh about them.

Karen said...

hey, on the bright side of things, at least you get to weed out the weirdos before talking to or meeting them! :)

Meg said...

Wow. These guys sounds like total tools. Why are they on a site that's looking to make monogamous relationship matches? Shouldn't they be on a site more tailored to hookups?

I had a friend who used Eharmony and had a lot of fun dates, but started seriously seeing one guy and discovered his personal blog.

And—wait for it—not only was he seeing other women and writing about them, he was sharing every little detail about her. He talked about their first kiss, his attraction to her compared to the other girls, etc. Total creep!

Stay positive. There's a good guy out there who will be perfect for you!

jenjen said...

Oh man, that sounds hard! Keep it up though -- one of my best friends met her last two boyfriends through online services and the last one at least is awesome!


Karen said...

my boyfriend and i were attracted to each other's fast typing and impressive spelling and grammar online. (even though i don't like to capitalize. hah!)

honestly, i've gone on dates with a few guys that i had met online, and the ones that couldn't spell weren't a good match for me in person, either! :)

(btw, i responded to your comment on my health blog post...hehehe)

Mary Ellen said...

Ha! I am a total grammar and spelling savant! It's a deal breaker If a guy doesn't know the difference between whether and weather. Or if they should use their, there or they're. Or how about two, to or too? And my all time favorite, our or are. Geez, I'm so glad I'm not alone! :)

Karisa Tells All said...

I agree that they sound like tools. Those muscles are really not attractive, especially when taken out of the context of his face! I really don't think is what they need. Maybe myspace?

Dreams of Perfection said...

How do adults meet other adults? That's what I want to freakin know. If I weren't married I would be single. Not even dating, just single. The guys I always see here are as stupid as the guys you just described. And super freakin yuck to the old men looking for young dames. Really?! uggh.

Wenderina said...

I haven't been on the dating scene since rescued by my loving hubby 20+ years ago, but I totally agree with your comments on what would make a compelling profile. Your video clip though cracks me up - maybe you should see if SkineMax (i.e. Cinemax( has dating profiles)

Kendra said...

-- don't forget to add all the people that are "laid back" or looking for a "laid back" woman. (that's as vague as saying I'd like to meet a normal person)
-- men who send you a one line email ("Hi. How are you? -Steve")and expect you to respond to it
-- men who think its ok to ask you if you would be interested in a NSA relationship.....with him and his girlfriend.


-- LET'S JUST WRITE A BOOK ABOUT ONLINE DATING cause i'm sure from reading your blogs and knowing my expeirence we could have some hilarious stories. I've talked about this with one of my friends as well. She has some great stories too.

I love seeing what "game" men have via the internet. It's very entertaining. :)

Carmie, the Single Nester said...


Yes. We should write a book. Is this the best these guys have? Why can't my man come right from the pages of the LL Bean catalog?!

Kendra said...


I'll take the Banana Republic guys. :)

Try's even more of a hoot. :)

Carmie, the Single Nester said...


I read some reviews of PlentyofFish and because it is free, you get what you "pay" for. Ick!

Kendra said...


Yah no kidding. I keep telling myself that I'm going to remove my profile, but it's just so entertaining!!!!

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