Yesterday I was feeling, well, emotional.
I went for a walk in the cold sunshine.
I brought some tissues with me in case I broke down while taking my strides. I didn't need the tissues that is, until I arrived home.
I am a very passionate person. However, passion is missing from what should be the two most important parts of my life; Vocation and love.
For over 2 decades, I have been trying to figure out what I should be when I grow up. The problem is, I am grown up and I have not found that vocation that makes me bounce out of bed in the morning, excited to start my day.
I pray and meditate and wait for answers but they don't seem to be coming. Or, maybe I am just deaf.
Now, love.
I thought I would be married with school-age kids by now but that has not happened. At one time, I wanted children and even though my eggs have not dried up yet, I don't see that happening unless my future mate has children of his own. In this case, I will love them as if they were mine.
Quite honestly, I really just wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. But, I am not so on to Plan B. But, what the heck is Plan B?
Sometimes, I feel like these ducks I photographed over the weekend on a river near me. All calm on the top of the water but a mess underneath, peddling like heck just to stay afloat.
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.' " - Erma Bombeck
Posts
6 comments:
Pity party for two girl. I am a stay at home mom who still doesn't know what I want be "when I grow up." And might I add, I'm bored out my freakin mind! I have brownies in hand...always works for me :o)
I'm sorry. :( It is hard when your goals and aspirations depend on others--and I don't mean that in any sort of "looking down on you" sort of way. It just really, really stinks.
HUGS!!
~ Sarah
Oh and I thought of something else. One of my aunts was a very successful corporate banker--but what she really wanted/wants is a husband and children. Because that part of her life wasn't really working out, she ended up leaving her well-paying banking job and returning to college to get a masters degree in education. She now is a wonderful first grade teacher with many children in her life. Not the same as having her own, but I know she LOVES "her" children and doesn't regret her career change at all...even if the pay stinks!
~ Sarah
Hi, Carmie, nice to meet you! And welcome to blogging, there are so many new bloggers out there, so jump on it.
And, guess what? I met my hubby online and we got married almost 5 years ago. Trust God to find someone for you & don't rush things, that's my advice for you!
You are probably sick of hearing this, but it really comes down to believing that God has plans for you. Don't rush them. I thought I was going to be some big career woman traveling the world. Turns out I met my husband and got married before I even graduated college. No kids. I thought I would have 3 or 4. I just go with it and am happy for each day. That's all you can do :)
I am 30, divorce with no kids and in a job thats just barely supporting myself. And I had to move back in with my father. I feel like I am going nowhere in my relationships (bc I cant seem to find the right guy.) But I do have a glimmer of hope in the future. I hape to save enough money to go back to school and figure life out. Please dont give up hope, bc when you are least expecting things they come. ♥
Post a Comment